Duck Dynasty is a show, I am told, about the Robertson family. It has something to do with racist and homophobic men with giant beards indiscriminately killing things, which sounds oh-so-very al Queda.
The Robertson family made millions out of selling a highly successful duck call and for whatever reason producers thought this would make good reality television. The men in the family, previously shaven, then grew ridiculous beards. It’s now a wildly successful show. Now they are millionaires! And you are not!
Feeling left out? You can probably still dress like them.
Start off with a Vans Thermo jacket – $99. It’s warm enough for hunting ducks, and is fully reversible so that it transforms into a regular navy blue color in case you needed to head to the bar after.
You then may want to consider L.L. Bean’s duck boot, but this time in black leather with a shearling inside, and you’ll be doubly prepared when (God willing) there’s also a The Rocketeer fashion revival in the future. Sperry also makes a duck boot for just $140.
From the waist down and the ankles up you could do a lot worse than a pair of Naked & Famous jeans in Midnight Selvage for $155. Colored between black and inky indigo and cut somewhere between a skinny and regular fit lies this near-perfect all-purpose pair of jeans.
You may also need a hat. Tell the world what you already know this with a Goorin Bros trucker topper for a low, low $25. You won’t even have to tell people about your views towards homosexuals, they’ll just look at your hat! Or go for this Patagonia hat if you’re not into the whole “doth protesting too much” thing.
Finish off the whole look with a ‘Possessed’ bandana from Obey for $15, because it’s important to wrap up with an item of clothing inspired by a Suicidal Tendencies song, and because every good burly bearded outdoorsman needs a bandana.