You don’t want to get messed up with a guy like Koji Uehara of the Boston Red Sox. He’s a loner. A rebel. A fearless, clean-shaven cowboy on a baseball diamond beset by a brotherhood of bearded ball players; and in the official MLB World Series video that just released yesterday, this pitcher’s beardless brawn has him throwing more than just wins for the Sox. He’s lobbing gauntlets, and at his own team. “I think it’s just nasty to grow a beard that long,” he says about his teammates now legendary beards.

We think it’s pretty obvious that beard size and its filth factor are not necessarily related, but rather than besmirch the man for his sweeping generalization, lets take this moment to ensure that your beard is not, in fact, nasty:

Stink: Only you know all the places your beard has been, so by all means, rinse if that’s all you need to do. Otherwise, keep it cleaned, like your work clothes. A regular shampoo and conditioner will wash well, but if you’re feeling fancy, Mister Beardwash, which is formulated with botanicals specifically for the thicker follicles on your face, is like taking your beard to the dry cleaners. 

Dandruff: Snowflakes should sparkle in your beard, not small pieces of dead skin….